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Citat
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4.01 - Ballroom & Biscotti
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Lorelai: Bonjour, Luke. Pouvez-vous attacher vos chausseurs? Luke: What? Lorelai: Uh, hi, Luke. Do you know how to tie your shoes? Luke: Very good. Lorelai: Yup. It came in handy, let me tell you. Not one shoelace fatality on my watch. [he sets a mug in front of her] You remembered. Luke: Yup. A couple things about you stick. You have a good time? Lorelai: Vos odeurs de chat. Luke: What's that? Lorelai: Your cat smells. |
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[About Sookie's son] Lorelai: Huh. Wonder what that's all about. So. . . are you gonna name him Lorelai? Sookie: Absolutely. That wouldn't be confusing at all. |
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4.02 - The Lorelai's first day at Yale
Luke: What? Lorelai: It's anti-woman, it's gender-selective, it's "Oh, let's drink a beer and watch the game and hike our shorts up." |
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Luke: A shift diagram for the truck, nice and simple. D is for drive, R is for - Lorelai: The R in drive! Luke: R is for reverse. Lorelai: Right, reverse. Luke: And one is - Lorelai: The loneliest number that you'll ever know! |
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Russell: Didn't you read the papers? Luke: Yeah, the Red Sox lost by three, Bush is at the ranch chatting up a Swiss dude. Russell: The divorce papers. |
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Mr. Stein 1: My name is Stein. Luke: I thought you were Stein. Mr. Stein 2: I'm Stein as well. Luke: Well, then I'm confused. Mr. Blodgett: Mr. Danes, I'm an impatient man, I'm a busy man, I'm a sensible man, I'm a skeptical man. Luke: Oh, you're four different men, huh? Well, are they all named Stein, too? |
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Lorelai: Well, I can't take it back to Yale. Luke: I'm not storing your microbe mattress, forget it. Lorelai: Well, then I'm stuck here. Luke: Fine, because I need my truck back. Lorelai: Fine, but that leaves you with the mattress. Luke: I'm not taking the mattress. Lorelai: Then let me take the truck. Luke: But that means you take the mattress. Lorelai: I can't take the mattress. Luke: Then you can't have the truck. Lorelai: But that sticks you with the mattress. Luke: If you take the truck, it comes with the mattress. Lorelai: I can't take the mattress. Luke: Then you can't have the truck. Lorelai: And that sticks you with the mattress. Luke: We've been here before. Lorelai: I recognize that tree. |
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Rory: You couldn't wait for me to get out of the house. What were you doing when I
paged you - turning my room into a sewing room? I should hate you, not miss you. Do
something to make me hate you. Lorelai: Uh. . .go Hitler! |
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Lorelai: All right, I should go. I called Luke last night and he made me promise to
get the truck back by two hours ago, so if I leave now it's sooner than I planned. |
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4.03 - The hobbit, the sofa and Digger Stiles
Rory: Grandma hasn't been here. Lorelai: Smell that? Rory: Smell what? Lorelai: The room - it smells like guilt and Chanel No. 5 |
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Rory: Last night. Her name's Janet. Lorelai: What's she like? Rory: She jogs. Lorelai: Enough said. |
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Lorelai: [answers phone] They burnt my fries, forgot to give me an extra side of barbecue sauce, the jeep is making that crunchy sound again, and I have to spend my evening making
elf ears for Aaron Thompson's Lord of the Rings party. Rory: Grandma broke into my dorm and redid the entire common room in $25,000 worth of furniture and stereo equipment. Lorelai: You win. |
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Sookie: A child is not a duvet cover. You can't just take it back if it doesn't
like you. Lorelai: Luckily, duvet covers notoriously like whoever they go home with. They're like golden retrievers. Sookie: You know what happens when kids don't like you? They tie you to a chair. They brain you with a bat. They set fire to the house and blame it on the neighbors. Lorelai: Wow, now you can't have kids or live next door to them. |
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4.04 - Chicken or beef
Lorelai: It's not the smoke detector, it's the alarm! Rory: What alarm? Lorelai: Our alarm. Rory: We don't have an alarm. Lorelai: Well, then, we have really angry rats. Did you cut your hair? |
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Luke: There is no fate, there is no destiny, there is no luck. Astrology is ridiculous.
Tarot cards tell you nothing. You cannot read a palm. Tea leaves make tea and nothing
else. Jim Morrison is not hanging out with Elvis, and the Kennedys did not kill Marilyn. Lorelai: I totally knew you were gonna say that. Luke: I came over here. My fault. Lorelai: I read your mind. It spoke to me. We're psychic. |
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Sookie: Scrubbing shower grout with a toothbrush. Lorelai: Sure, sure. Flossing with that really, really fine floss that cuts between your teeth like a razor. Sookie: Uh-huh, uh-huh. Staring into the sun. Lorelai: 'Til you're blind. Sookie: Absolutely. [Michel walks over] Michel: I feel very ugly this morning. Lorelai: Join the crowd. Michel: That unpleasant man and his cohorts in there? Lorelai: And have been for about thirty frickin' minutes. Sookie: Watching a foreign movie without subtitles. Lorelai: Getting brain freeze from eating ice cream. Michel: What are you doing? Lorelai: We're listing all the things we'd rather be doing than this. |
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4.05 - The fundamental things apply
Lorelai: Well, I'm gardening. Rory: What are you doing? Lorelai: I'm gardening. Rory: What are you doing? Lorelai: Why don't you come over here and see, honey, since you seem so confused? Rory: Oh, my God. You are gardening. Lorelai: Yeah. Hello. I am gardening. |
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Luke: Oh, well. . .Tom called. The banister on the stairs has to be replaced. It'll be $4,000.
Tamsin Cordally called. He needs a deposit on the quartersawn oak. It'll be $4,000. Julio the landscaper called. I have no idea what he said, but it's going to be $4,000. Vicki from Vicki's
Horse Supply called. She thinks Pepper and Gunsmoke would suit your needs, but Gunsmoke snores,
so the stables can't be too close to the guests' bedrooms. Rory's looking for her black Converse,
and, oh, one last thing - I'm not taking messages for you anymore!
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Emily: It's bad enough that you haven't taught your daughter how to interact with the
opposite sex. You will not dress her up in one of your "Sex and the City" ensembles
and send her out to tell the entire campus, "Don't worry. I'll ask you." Lorelai: How do you know about "Sex and the City"? |
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Luke: What's that? Lorelai: Okay, um. . .A, um, no talking during the movie, and B, don't tell me you've never seen the FBI warning before. Luke: It's new to me. Lorelai: Oh, my God. You're beyond monk. You're uber-monk. Luke: Just start it up. I won't talk again. Lorelai: Okay, just one more warning - when they showed the first motion picture over a hundred years ago, it featured a train rushing toward the camera, and, um, people were so sure the train was going to burst off the screen and crush them that they ran away in terror. Now, Luke, the train is not going to leave the screen. |
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4.06 - An Affair to Remember
Lorelai: Flying, thumping what all over the place? Emily: Balls. [Lorelai giggles] Emily: You are four. Lorelai: And balls are funny. |
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Kirk: Say I was Tom Cruise. Where would you seat me? Luke: In an acting class. |
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Lorelai: Cheeseburger, onion rings, and a list of people who killed their parents and
got away with it. I'm looking for heroes.
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Kirk: You think she likes me? Luke: I think she likes you. Kirk: You think she likes me. Luke: God help us one and all. |
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Lorelai: Well, of course they never told you about the party because they're
inconsiderate and self-centered, and they have been that way for many years, so they
have dibs. But the minute you found out about the party, you should have canceled your
plans. Jason: It was too late for that. And I never called your mother obsolete, I just called cocktail parties obsolete. Lorelai: Same thing. |
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Jason: You're being awfully protective of her. Lorelai: Well, every family has a Fredo. Jason: Yeah, and Fredo's family put two in the back of his head. Lorelai: My relationship with my mother is none of your business. Jason: Then have dinner with me. Lorelai: No! Jason: Why not? Lorelai: Because. Jason: Because your mother would hate it. Lorelai: Yes, my mother would hate it. A lot. You suck. |
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4.07 - The Festival of Living Art
Lulu: Hi. Man: Hi. Kirk: My girlfriend and I appreciate it. Lulu: Yes, thank you. Kirk: I got a pretty polite girlfriend. Babette: Should we be nervous about this? Andrew: I don't know. Did Taylor tell anyone why he called an emergency meeting? Kirk: He said nothing to me or my girlfriend. Miss Patty: I can't remember the last town emergency meeting he called. Kirk: Me and my girlfriend can't either. |
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Lorelai: What'd you get, Kirk? Kirk: Christ in "The Last Supper." Lorelai: The big kahuna. Kirk: I'm gonna do it right, too. Lots of research. What's a good book to read? Lorelai: Uh, the bible? Kirk: Right. Yo, where are my apostles? Where are my homeboys? James, son of Alpheus, give me five. Joe: All right. Kirk: Simon, the Canaanite, don't leave me hanging. I say we go celebrate. How 'bout Shakey's? |
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Lorelai: How's your research coming along, Kirk? Kirk: Good, although I got off to a slow start. I didn't realize Jesus wasn't in the Old Testament 'til I hit page 368. |
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4.08 - Die, Jerk
Rory: Is it his birthday? Lane: No, this was something else altogether. You holding onto your hat? Rory: I'm not wearing one, but I can pretend to be. |
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Lane: Remember when I was a kid, my mother showed me the special jug that's been passed down in my family for years and years in a long-standing Kim tradition that she is personally going to present to the boy I'm going to wed? Rory: Oh, my God. The marriage jug? Lane: The marriage jug. Rory: She's sending Dave the marriage jug? What does that mean? Lane: I'm guessing it means she's reserving a hall and ordering that "Stations of the Cross" ice sculpture. |
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Lorelai: Eating's a hassle. I'll just starve. Luke: Fine. Lorelai: And I'll starve right here because it would be too big a hassle to get up and leave. Luke: I'll work around you. Lorelai: And hey, if it's too big a hassle to get rid of my body after I die of starvation, just leave it here to decompose all nice and quiet - no hassle. Luke: Good. Lorelai: See ya. Luke: Wow, she's moving. Lorelai: Well, I was kind of kidding about the decomposing here. |
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Lorelai: No, and I was the very picture of awkwardness, and basically, I just fled.
And when I saw Luke later, we got into a fight about it, and I told him his coffee pots
were stupid. Rory: So it was very sophisticated. |
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4.09 - Ted Koppel's Big Night Out
Emily: Lorelai. Lorelai: Why does the question "Football?" get a "Lorelai"? |
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Lorelai: Where are they all going? It's Saturday morning, they should be in bed. Rory: They're excited about life. It's a college thing. Lorelai: How come you're not excited about life? Rory: I find nothing exciting before eleven. |
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Emily: The very first Yale mascot. Rory: Oh, my. Richard: Just look at him, will you. Strong, determined, the very essence of dignity. Lorelai: Got cotton stuffed in his butt. How dignified is that? |
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Lorelai: Oh, wait, are you Pennilyn Lott, my dad's college sweetheart? Pennilyn: Yes. Lorelai: You're my almost-mommy. Pennilyn: Well, I suppose you could put it that way. Lorelai: I'm so glad to finally meet you. Let me ask you something - would you have let me get a pony? |
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4.10 - The Nanny and the Professor
Rory: Yes. Lorelai: That doesn't even sound like English. Rory: That's because it's French. |
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Emily: Yes, and we have a special surprise for you for dessert. We brought it back from Switzerland. Lorelai: We're getting a mountain goat? |
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Rory: (about Paris dating an older man) Maybe it's a phase. It'll pass. Lorelai: Oh, yeah, or he will. |
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4.11 - In the Clamor and the Clangor
Luke: You joined a gym? Lorelai: Yeah. Luke: When? Lorelai: After I had Rory, to lose the pregnancy weight. Luke: Did you go? Lorelai: God, no. I was way too fat. |
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Lorelai: You want me to call you at Yale in the middle of the night so i can say: Hey, drive 20 miles to stand in the snow with mommy? Rory: Yes. Lorelai: And then we take the 'Craziest Mother-Daughter-Title' from Judy and Liza. |
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Sookie: I have friends there. Lorelai: What? Where? Sookie: The CIA. Lorelai: No, you don't! Sookie: Yes, I ... ah, you didn't mean the Culinary Institute of America, did you? |
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4.12 - A Family Matter
Luke: Free doughnuts |
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Lorelai: And suddenly, he ran into a phone booth, ripped off his shirt, and
became 'Proactive Man'!
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4.13 - Nag Hammadi Is Where They Found the Gnostic Gospels
Jess: How ‘bout more walkie and less talkie. |
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Lorelai: Here is the question for today, kids: What are the Eskimos thinking? I mean, sure, the hoods are cute, but it's always cold, always! Plus, you have to eat fish for breakfast, and whales. And then there's penguins, and polar bears, and Santa Claus.
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Liz: Sorry I'm so boring tonight! I only had one cup of punch. Gary switched us over to club soda after that. Luke: You're not boring. Who's Gary? Liz: That's T.J.'s real name. Luke: T.J.'s real name is Gary? Liz: Yeah. Luke: Gary? Liz: Yeah! Luke: Where'd he get... never mind. |
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Lorelai: I'm sorry, are you drunk? Luke: I am not drunk. I do not get drunk. I had some beer. Beers. More than one. A few. And then I came here and I climbed your tree. Lorelai: Well, good thinking. Luke: And then I fell out of your tree. Lorelai: Hmm. Sit down. Luke: I landed flat on my back. I felt like Kirk. |
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Lorelai: I'll go get you a real bandage. Luke: I like the Barbie ones. Lorelai: Yes, honey, but the other kids will beat you up if they see you wearing one of those! |
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4.14 - The Incredible Shrinking Lorelais
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Ed: I've been waiting for ten minutes. Luke: Sorry, not even close to the record. |
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Lorelai: Sorry for making you get all dressed up. Luke: That's okay, it's good for me to do once in a while. It reminds me why I'm not an accountant. |
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Lorelai: You're hiding from my grandmother, aren't you? Jason: She is scarier than Nick Nolte's mug shot. |
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4.15 - Scene in a Mall
Lorelai: I got a little something from everywhere. Emily: I wouldn't know where to begin. Lorelai: Well, start at the top and stop when you hit table. |
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Luke: What's with the - Kirk: It's not a purse! Luke: I wasn't gonna say purse. Kirk: Oh… Sorry. Luke: What's with the gay bag? |
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Lorelai: Why aren't we having fun? Rory: Maybe it's because we're window shopping. Maybe we should go inside. Maybe that'll help. (They go in and come out almost a second later.) Rory: No, it made it worse! |
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Rory: What? In all those emails I didn't mention it? Lorelai: All those emails? Excuse me, but you write less often than people offering to enlarge a piece of anatomy I do not possess! |
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Lorelai: I ended up going to dinner alone with Mom and Dad, who spent the whole time bickering about which Beatle is still alive. Rory: Where'd they land? Lorelai: John and Keith are dead. Paul and Bingo are still kicking. |
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4.16 - The Reigning Lorelai
Lorelai: (walking by) Second cousin. Rory: Gotta go. |
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Marilyn: You look absolutely stunning! Please, tell me you're an idiot. Lorelai: Well, I have my moments. |
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4.17 - Girls in Bikinis, Boys Doin' the Twist
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Rory: Okay, forget I said 'giant Q-tips'. They're not hitting each other with giant Q-tips. Lorelai: But now I can't get 'giant Q-tips' out of my head. It's too powerful a visual. |
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Girl: Is it raining out? Paris: (drenched) No, it's National Baptism Day! Get your tubes tied! |
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4.18 - Tick, Tick, Tick, Boom!
Jason: Did any of your plants live? Lorelai: No. Oh! Insight! |
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Richard: We are all celebrating with a dinner tomorrow -- us and the wives. Emily: Ugh. Lorelai: You're not big on the Bob? Emily: Bob's fine. We've known him for years. It's that dolt he's married to -- classic trophy wife. Richard: She is quite young. Rory: How young? Emily: Her car looks just like Barbie's. Richard: Regardless, I hope you will be kind to her at dinner. Emily: I'll have to bring my English-to-dumbbell dictionary. |
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4.19 - Afterboom
Lorelai: Yeah. I need stamps. You heading in there? Luke: Yep. I'm getting my divorce. |
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Rory: FIRE! Lorelai: What? Rory: Nothing. I was just feeling left out. |
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Lorelai: Heh, you know what I just realized? "Oy" is the funniest word in the
entire world. Rory: Hmm. Lorelai: I mean think about it, you never hear the word "oy" and not smile. Impossible. Funny, funny word. Emily: Oh dear God. Lorelai: "Poodle" is another funny word. Emily: Please drink your drink, Lorelai. Lorelai: In fact, if you put "oy" and "poodle" together, in the same sentence, you'd have a great new catchphrase, you know? Like, "Oy with the poodles already!" Rory: Hehe. Lorelai: So from now on, when the perfect circumstances arise, we will use our favorite new catchphrase: Rory: Oy with the poodles already. Lorelai: I'm telling you, it's knocking "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?" right out of first place. |
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Lorelai: Oh, what do you need? Hot tea, coffee? Rory: Lip gloss. Lorelai: Aha. [Lorelai pulls a makeup bag out of her purse.] Lorelai: I have vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, and toasted marshmallow. Rory: Anything in there not resembling a breakfast cereal? Lorelai: Yes. [Lorelai pulls out another bag.] Lorelai: It has no smell but it changes colors with your mood. Rory: God, RuPaul doesn't need this much makeup. |
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[Lorelai's having Rory] Lorelai: Okay, this is a big pain and I'd really like it to go away, please. Nurse: Just breathe deep, honey. Lorelai: Breathing doesn't help, can I hit you instead? Nurse: What? Lorelai: Or pinch you really hard, 'cause that might make me feel better. Nurse: No, you cannot hit me. Lorelai: Can I bite you or pull your hair or use the Epilady on you 'cause I really need to do something. |
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Emily: Oh, no, we let Heidi go months ago. She had a problem closing things
-- the door, the refrigerator -- Richard: The liquor bottle. |
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Rory: That's my mom. Dean: She's got energy. Rory: Yeah well she's 90% water, 10% caffeine. |
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Sherry: I’m lying in a bed. God knows what’s gonna happen. Rory: Well, you’re going to have a baby. Sherry: And she goes back to work. I would love to go back to work, but I can’t because I have to stay here. Rory: Well, yeah, because you’re going to have a baby. Sherry: She’s not here. None of my friends are here. Christopher isn’t here. No one is here. No one but you. Thank God you’re here, Rory. I don’t think that I could do this by myself because this wasn’t supposed to happen until next week. I wrote it down. I wrote it down. I wrote it down! Rory: Boy, do you look thin. |
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Lorelai: Hello? Rory: Mom, they’re giving me gloves! Lorelai: What are you talking about? Rory: I don’t want gloves, I don’t want a gown, I don’t wanna be in there. Lorelai: In where? Rory: In the delivery room with Sherry. Lorelai: What? Rory: Dad’s not here yet and she’s freaking out and she told the nurse I’m going in and – Lorelai: Where are her other friends? Rory: They had to work. I’m here all by myself and I’m trying very hard to be calm but I’m starting to feel nauseous, and the hospital has a smell, and there are noises, and those gowns do not stay closed and I’ve seen a lot of butts today! And - Lorelai: Okay, sweetie, calm down. Rory: I need you. Lorelai: Rory. Rory: I need you, I need you here, I need you now. I cannot do this alone. I need my Mommy, and dammit, I don’t care who knows it! |